I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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