Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
