Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
