walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
