She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am available for nakedness
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
