I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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