he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
