please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
