Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
