I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
