I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize