Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
