people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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