Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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