Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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