puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
