I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
