dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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