So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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