He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
