i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
