thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
