i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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