The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
