remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
