Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
