So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
