I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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