Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
