Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
