The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
