I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
