Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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