Soap is not a condiment
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
