you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize