yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
