It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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