No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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