I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
