Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
