Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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