You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
