I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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