And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
