I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
