She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
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