Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
