a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
