So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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