once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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