Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
