I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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