on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
