We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
