Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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