My Higher Power is John Stamos
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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