My first STD was from a foam party
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
