an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
