Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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