Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
