I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
