there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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