he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
